20.10.15
Nineteen on the19th
It is hard to believe my daughter is nearly two years old. I am amazed how quickly time slips away. Miss Lucy has a personality. She is her own person. One minute she is full of laughs and amusement. The next moment she is enraged because her blanket will not fold correctly. She is a great organizer, always diligent to put clothes in the hamper whether dirty or not. She is great at pointing out animals recalling their sounds. Ball and DaDa are her favorite words. She is learning (emphasis on learning) manners like please, help, and thank you. Motility is slowly making progress. The other night determined to double fists beers bottles (I assure you the bottles were empty. She found the recycle pile) she was willing to walk a short distance unassisted. Nonetheless, she still manages to climb and wind up in unexpected locations. She has also discovered her knack for drawing (doodling) holding the utensil, whether crayon or spoon, properly. The best part is my husband and I never tire of her. She continually offers a fresh perspective on life and encourages me to be a better person.
17.10.15
Calories, Calories
Weight gain can be an issue for me if I am not careful about my food intact and activity levels, but I have never been one to watch my calorie consumption. When I shop for food my main objectives are price and listed ingredients, but mostly price. If the ingredient list shows more names than I can pronounce or unable to recognize I generally steer away from the purchase.
Let's be honest. We have a relatively decent idea of what is good for us without pondering the amount of calories. A giant slice of Heath Bar pie probably contains tons of sugar the body will never use. Red pepper humus with celery sticks are certainly a healthy snack. Consume an entire bag of Cheetos will add some bulk around the tummy. Cut some apples and bananas then dip into yogurt as a wise solution to push away the munchies. There are good choices and bad choices that few people are ignorant to so why burden myself with label reading when I have common sense.
Then my daughter's pediatrician appointment changed that viewpoint.
My daughter has not lost weight, but she is not gaining appropriately to her height growth. My chubby bunny in the 95 percentile for children of 6 months is now in the 3% at 18 months. A plateauing I thought by now would incline with the average percentile. I was warned as a breastfed baby the trend was sure to occur with Lucy. However, I certainly was not expecting the trend to last this long.
The pediatrician recommended buying PediaSure since I can not entice Lucy to drink cow's milk. Lucy also should have no water or juice since water is calorie free. She will have a re-check in two months. If there is no improvement or weight gain she will need to be weened from breastmilk entirely.
Now, I breastfeed mornings and evenings, but for a short time. The feedings are mostly for comfort. The idea of removing her comfort terrifies me. Breastfeeding is my last weapon, the final solution, my last hope.... my bond. A gift I am not ready to release.
Immediately after leaving the doctor's office I rush to the grocery store. I gotta get some protein shakes. Grab the PediaSure and yogurt squeezable. I allow Lucy to sample the berry flavored supplement. Fortunately she clutches the bottle with interest and continues to gulp. Whereas I make a face from the overwhelming flavor of zinc, but whatever works.
The next day, Lucy's interest in the new beverage has passed. This is my battle with her eating habits. She usually will try any new food, but refrains from eating large quantities. A little here. A little there. Her staple foods are cottage cheese, edamame, dried cranberries, bananas, and humus. Nonetheless, there is only so much cheese I can offer the child before she becomes constipated.
Next time I go to the store I buy chocolate PediSure. This feels wrong because it contains 15 grams of sugar. I could be serving her regular chocolate milk, but I have avoided this solution because of the amount of sugar. Yet, I justify the chocolate flavor because of added mineral benefits and I will dilute it with milk. I start staring at all the food labels of snacks and yogurt and peanut butter. If there is a decent amount of calories, protein, and fat I throw the item in the shopping cart. The dairy section of the store is discouraging because of all the low-fat items. I NEED fattening yogurt.
Lucy drinks the chocolate PediaSure for two days then turns her nose to it. Meanwhile, I have a collection of cups in the frig containing different flavors of protein shakes. Why won't she drink the milk? Pinterest becomes my next source for help. "High protein baby drinks," is my search. I receive a list of recipes from moms who do not trust PediaSure. Some of the recipes seem more like Smoothie King drinks with flaxseed and protein powder, but I am willing to try anything.
Another trip to the store sells me coconut milk, almond butter, greek yogurt. I race home to prepare a delicious treat. I pour the concoction into a mommy adult size cup for added interest and importance. A quick sip and she is waving her hand around with an emphatic, "No." I take a sip only to agree with her denial. The almond butter is rather potent. Back to the drawing board.
I think Lucy senses my anxiety and urgency. Almost like a laugh in my face, "You will not control me!" Oh Boy! Is this what I have to look forward to?
I recall my dilemma to my granny. She shakes her head responding, "We didn't worry what kids ate. They ate what was in front of them or they didn't eat." Well, they probably did not have some doctor breathing down their neck ready to attack with punishment. Much of parenting today I feel is done in fear of retribution from society's disapproval of your actions threatening to snatch your kid away.
My husband sees my fret as unnecessary. "Give the kid a milkshake if that is what she will drink." He has become annoyed with me because I have turned him into a closet eater and drinker. He cannot eat his Poptart without a little girl reaching up with, "Wanna," then screaming if denied. Then comes Mom saying, "No empty calories loaded in sugar." I am just as frustrated trying to convince Lucy high protein is necessary over the pretty sugar distraction. I can hear her saying with her weepy eyes, "If it is good enough for Dad why can't I have it?"
One night my husband stressed concern to me about Lucy's hydration. Trying to follow the doctor's orders I stopped serving water to Lucy. While my husband was holding her within five minutes she drinks four small cups of water. He was worried I was allowing her to become dehydrated. Though I noticed little change in her wet diapers and I allowed her to drink form my cup, the point was made. I needed to chill out and make sensible decisions for our daughter.
Variety and persistency are the most important keys. Just because Lucy ate a healthy amount of sausage one morning does not mean she will the following breakfast. I try to rotate foods. Peanut butter and bananas today for lunch. Tomorrow we will have turkey and humus. Dips, spreads, and condiments work great. Can not get her to finish her bagel, offer a little dip in the coffee. (Don't judge. Besides, she saw mamma do it.) We had a gay ole time eating peanut butter and crackers with Nutella spread as a dessert. Her drinks are a different flavor every day. Sometimes I mix with PediaSure. Sometimes I use coconut milk. (Horizon's organic vanilla milk is also helpful.) I will make tropical OJ drinks, chocolate, blueberry pomegranate, banana. The skies the limit. One rule I did change is for meals she receives the higher calorie milk drinks then any other time of day has water available. It is better if it comes from Mamma's cup.
As for persistency, eating a meal can take anywhere from 60 to 90 minutes. Lucy starts by feeding herself then when she starts to slack I take the utensil trying to sneak in food. Sometimes it is an easy "pop" in the mouth. Other times a noisy plane or galloping horse will make an entrance charging into her mouth. I also find she is more likely to eat and drink what Mamma is consuming. If I notice she has lost interest in her beverage I preform a little sippy sip then offer her the same opportunity. She has received the nudge and I have been denied.
It is a work in progress. Because I hate wasted food I resort to finishing off her tropical shake or untouched sandwich. I sure hope I am not the weight gainer in this story. I like to think she feels heavier. Hopefully, through this ordeal she will experience a wide array of foods. I want to avoid her becoming a picky eater like her mamma who depended on junk food and had a weight problem. Yet, if I have to spread Nutella to get an extra bite I will gladly take the risk.
Let's be honest. We have a relatively decent idea of what is good for us without pondering the amount of calories. A giant slice of Heath Bar pie probably contains tons of sugar the body will never use. Red pepper humus with celery sticks are certainly a healthy snack. Consume an entire bag of Cheetos will add some bulk around the tummy. Cut some apples and bananas then dip into yogurt as a wise solution to push away the munchies. There are good choices and bad choices that few people are ignorant to so why burden myself with label reading when I have common sense.
Then my daughter's pediatrician appointment changed that viewpoint.
My daughter has not lost weight, but she is not gaining appropriately to her height growth. My chubby bunny in the 95 percentile for children of 6 months is now in the 3% at 18 months. A plateauing I thought by now would incline with the average percentile. I was warned as a breastfed baby the trend was sure to occur with Lucy. However, I certainly was not expecting the trend to last this long.
The pediatrician recommended buying PediaSure since I can not entice Lucy to drink cow's milk. Lucy also should have no water or juice since water is calorie free. She will have a re-check in two months. If there is no improvement or weight gain she will need to be weened from breastmilk entirely.
Now, I breastfeed mornings and evenings, but for a short time. The feedings are mostly for comfort. The idea of removing her comfort terrifies me. Breastfeeding is my last weapon, the final solution, my last hope.... my bond. A gift I am not ready to release.
Immediately after leaving the doctor's office I rush to the grocery store. I gotta get some protein shakes. Grab the PediaSure and yogurt squeezable. I allow Lucy to sample the berry flavored supplement. Fortunately she clutches the bottle with interest and continues to gulp. Whereas I make a face from the overwhelming flavor of zinc, but whatever works.
The next day, Lucy's interest in the new beverage has passed. This is my battle with her eating habits. She usually will try any new food, but refrains from eating large quantities. A little here. A little there. Her staple foods are cottage cheese, edamame, dried cranberries, bananas, and humus. Nonetheless, there is only so much cheese I can offer the child before she becomes constipated.
Next time I go to the store I buy chocolate PediSure. This feels wrong because it contains 15 grams of sugar. I could be serving her regular chocolate milk, but I have avoided this solution because of the amount of sugar. Yet, I justify the chocolate flavor because of added mineral benefits and I will dilute it with milk. I start staring at all the food labels of snacks and yogurt and peanut butter. If there is a decent amount of calories, protein, and fat I throw the item in the shopping cart. The dairy section of the store is discouraging because of all the low-fat items. I NEED fattening yogurt.
Lucy drinks the chocolate PediaSure for two days then turns her nose to it. Meanwhile, I have a collection of cups in the frig containing different flavors of protein shakes. Why won't she drink the milk? Pinterest becomes my next source for help. "High protein baby drinks," is my search. I receive a list of recipes from moms who do not trust PediaSure. Some of the recipes seem more like Smoothie King drinks with flaxseed and protein powder, but I am willing to try anything.
I think Lucy senses my anxiety and urgency. Almost like a laugh in my face, "You will not control me!" Oh Boy! Is this what I have to look forward to?
My husband sees my fret as unnecessary. "Give the kid a milkshake if that is what she will drink." He has become annoyed with me because I have turned him into a closet eater and drinker. He cannot eat his Poptart without a little girl reaching up with, "Wanna," then screaming if denied. Then comes Mom saying, "No empty calories loaded in sugar." I am just as frustrated trying to convince Lucy high protein is necessary over the pretty sugar distraction. I can hear her saying with her weepy eyes, "If it is good enough for Dad why can't I have it?"
One night my husband stressed concern to me about Lucy's hydration. Trying to follow the doctor's orders I stopped serving water to Lucy. While my husband was holding her within five minutes she drinks four small cups of water. He was worried I was allowing her to become dehydrated. Though I noticed little change in her wet diapers and I allowed her to drink form my cup, the point was made. I needed to chill out and make sensible decisions for our daughter.
Variety and persistency are the most important keys. Just because Lucy ate a healthy amount of sausage one morning does not mean she will the following breakfast. I try to rotate foods. Peanut butter and bananas today for lunch. Tomorrow we will have turkey and humus. Dips, spreads, and condiments work great. Can not get her to finish her bagel, offer a little dip in the coffee. (Don't judge. Besides, she saw mamma do it.) We had a gay ole time eating peanut butter and crackers with Nutella spread as a dessert. Her drinks are a different flavor every day. Sometimes I mix with PediaSure. Sometimes I use coconut milk. (Horizon's organic vanilla milk is also helpful.) I will make tropical OJ drinks, chocolate, blueberry pomegranate, banana. The skies the limit. One rule I did change is for meals she receives the higher calorie milk drinks then any other time of day has water available. It is better if it comes from Mamma's cup.
As for persistency, eating a meal can take anywhere from 60 to 90 minutes. Lucy starts by feeding herself then when she starts to slack I take the utensil trying to sneak in food. Sometimes it is an easy "pop" in the mouth. Other times a noisy plane or galloping horse will make an entrance charging into her mouth. I also find she is more likely to eat and drink what Mamma is consuming. If I notice she has lost interest in her beverage I preform a little sippy sip then offer her the same opportunity. She has received the nudge and I have been denied.
It is a work in progress. Because I hate wasted food I resort to finishing off her tropical shake or untouched sandwich. I sure hope I am not the weight gainer in this story. I like to think she feels heavier. Hopefully, through this ordeal she will experience a wide array of foods. I want to avoid her becoming a picky eater like her mamma who depended on junk food and had a weight problem. Yet, if I have to spread Nutella to get an extra bite I will gladly take the risk.
13.10.15
9.10.15
Not a Mom for an Evening
I will never claim to having a night life or being the life of a party, however I have always enjoyed a good music concert. Probably my favorite performers have been Ye Lo Tango and The Avett Brothers. Apart from the Dave Matthews Band I have been to mostly smaller venue concerts, which I love all the more. The smaller halls are intimate and adoring. Usually the attendees are there for their love of the musicians, not merely the social buzz.
Finally, after two years I was rewarded with the role of me. I was not mom or a wet nurse. I was Spring going out to enjoy herself without the worry of a small one crying for her mother. Yes, I have been out on short dates with my husband, but I usually returned to a very frantic hungry baby and breasts ready to explode from engorgement.
For this evening my daughter was left in the care of my parents who were eager to entertain. I headed downtown where music filled the air and crowds bustled with conversation, like adults do. Accompanied with my sister and two cousins I enjoyed the night life of coffee houses, beer, vegan food (sweet potato chili because nothing else sounded good), fantastic music, and lovely company.
Jose Gonzalez was the entertainer. Mercy Lounge was the venue. A Swed with Argentinian parents makes for an interesting accent but beautifully sweet music. There I stood in my very "non-mom" apparel swaying to the harmony of Jose lost in darkness, lost in thought. His acoustic guitar airy with melodic picks supported by the demanding rhythm of his meter. I did not worry about my daughter going hungry. My shirt did not have wet marks from leaking. I did not ponder how to improve my daughter's development. I did not consume myself with dread at returning to an angry tired baby. I thought about love. I thought about regret. I thought about the future. I thought about the past. I thought about the notes. I thought about the words. In my mind the whole event was just for me and I soaked in every melody as a rewarding gift.
Throughout the evening I received updates and photos that my daughter was doing well. I could breathe knowing I was not missed. I was able to appreciate my companions offering my undivided attention, never once being interrupted in mid-sentence. I never felt detached or rude. How many times in the last few months have I had to excuse myself to address a crying child? I had meaningful conversation with my full attention provided. I stayed out late and actually felt the buzz of my beer. As soon as I returned home I eagerly checked on my baby who was contentedly sleeping. Her little eyes beautifully at rest.
By no means am I complaining. I cannot imagine a world without my daughter. Yet, it was refreshing to be reunited with an old self reminded she still exists. Maybe not suppressed, but quiet and patiently waiting.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nC8WjPFnGU
Finally, after two years I was rewarded with the role of me. I was not mom or a wet nurse. I was Spring going out to enjoy herself without the worry of a small one crying for her mother. Yes, I have been out on short dates with my husband, but I usually returned to a very frantic hungry baby and breasts ready to explode from engorgement.
For this evening my daughter was left in the care of my parents who were eager to entertain. I headed downtown where music filled the air and crowds bustled with conversation, like adults do. Accompanied with my sister and two cousins I enjoyed the night life of coffee houses, beer, vegan food (sweet potato chili because nothing else sounded good), fantastic music, and lovely company.
Jose Gonzalez was the entertainer. Mercy Lounge was the venue. A Swed with Argentinian parents makes for an interesting accent but beautifully sweet music. There I stood in my very "non-mom" apparel swaying to the harmony of Jose lost in darkness, lost in thought. His acoustic guitar airy with melodic picks supported by the demanding rhythm of his meter. I did not worry about my daughter going hungry. My shirt did not have wet marks from leaking. I did not ponder how to improve my daughter's development. I did not consume myself with dread at returning to an angry tired baby. I thought about love. I thought about regret. I thought about the future. I thought about the past. I thought about the notes. I thought about the words. In my mind the whole event was just for me and I soaked in every melody as a rewarding gift.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nC8WjPFnGU
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