Therapeutic River Time

Before having a baby, before getting married whitewater kayaking was an activity that I loved. The sport was totally mental challenging me to control my fears and anxieties, relinquish all my worldly baggage of emotional conflicts or self-conscious nervousness, and just be. Be apart of the water, apart of the environment, be apart of myself. I loved the challenging aspects of overcoming my fear and embracing my wildness.

Well, needless to say marriage and definitely motherhood has calmed my savage beast (if ever a beast existed). Moving farther from the rivers I loved did not help. There is no resentment or disdain. I have made my choices and I am content with my decisions. But that does not mean I do not miss the healing power the rivers have on my psyche.

Over Memorial weekend I paddled three days in a row, an opportunity that has not manifested in several years. The rivers I paddled were far from demanding, but it did not matter because of the connections I made. Another important aspect of paddling are the relations formed. Whether its reconnecting with old friends or listening to a hurting heart or making small talk with a new acquaintance the humanity encompassed by a common interest is irreplaceable.

There was a sense of being incomplete having my daughter and husband absent, yet the time allowed for renewal as well as feeling like my old self. I cannot wait to enlist my daughter in the dearly treasured sport of whitewater paddling. I cannot wait to have a family bond like I experienced as a child with my parents. I hope my daughter will appreciate and cherish the oneness with the water as I have and hopefully it will be our kinship as mother and daughter.