Strawberry Fields Forever

 

I Choose the Possible

Lately, I have been struggling with the methods in which our culture and structure of order have been battered by…. evil. Every day I am reminded that my way of thinking, my beliefs, my wishes to live my life as I raise my children are culturally wrong. Scanning through Facebook or reading top headlines I should be ashamed of who God made me to be. I should be ashamed of a salvation in Jesus. I feel utterly defeated. Everything I believe, concepts I adore, symbolisms I treasure are defeated and no longer relevant.

There is an endless assault on my civil liberties. Am I not an American citizen with the freedom to perform my daily duties as I wish? Yet, there are executive orders whether federal or state that say otherwise. I am beginning to fear that I do not have the freedom to raise my children as I deem appropriate. I have to be guilted to follow rules that I believe could be potentially harmful physically and mentally to my family.

Where is the hope? Where is the joy? Where is the boundless potential for possibilities? There is so much hate and deception. Endless fear and manipulation and chaos.

One Sunday at church I felt so much weight of the pressure building around me. I was ready to give up. “I’m ready, Lord. Take me now. This world sucks and it deserves to eat its own. I have had my fill and I am ready to be called home.”

Though the thoughts felt authentic I am not sure how true they were. My children are young leaving me excited to see the people they become. I love enjoying the beauty of God’s creation particularly on these fine spring days. I have my husband and our marriage enticing me to see what comes next in our story.

I am standing in the sanctuary singing worship songs about Jesus being beside me in the fire and holding back the waves. I see this giant wave just about to crest tumbling over me and my loved ones, but there is a canopy of wings covering us to block the enemy’s destruction. It strikes me this image is wrong. It sounds like God is playing defensive. Whatever cunning attack Satan throws God must be at least one step ahead hopefully ready to gird protection. It is like as Believers if we are true God-fearing people God will contain us in a hamster ball offering relief. I review these impressions and nothing about it is comforting. Is God really only one step ahead of Satan’s ultimate schemes? It sounds neither powerful nor assuring.

Frozen, dumbfounded, I know God has a plan for the world’s chaotic choices, but the ability to hoover over me so Satan cannot launch flaming balls of lies feels inadequate. Shortsighted. Acceptable, Just enough. These are not words we use to describe God Almighty Ruler of Heaven and Earth who is Alpha and Omega.

Then God reveals another idea to me. What if the crushing wave does not matter? What if the wave exists in mind only? What if because my investment is in Jesus that wave cannot hurt me while understanding my life cannot be squashed. As a believer and follower in Jesus my hope and purpose are in Him. Not wishing nothing bad happens to me. If I do not place worldly possessions before God, if I do not place my identity or character roles first, but instead place my full existence in the hands of my God nothing can be stripped of me or cause harm.

A concept easier said than done, but this is the purpose of our creation. Love God. Trust God. Share God. I am gazing up at the gigantic wave hurling forward moments before destroying everything in its wake. I decide to take a page from Matrix, the movie, and shallow the red pill acknowledging anything is possible. I can stand in a scorching fire and not be burned. I can travel through a desert, but never go hungry. I can be outnumbered in battle yet still have victory. I can be surrounded by ravaging lions while never being touched. Impossible does not know God.

God brings all the pieces together to achieve his perfect plan. Even when the pieces seem flawed or unlikely God knows the outcome he needs. For centuries, the Jewish people were told God was sending the ultimate fighter to save the people from their perpetual sins. For centuries, the people saw one ruler after another conquer and demand domain. Nebuchadnezzar, Cyrus, Xerxes, Darius, Alexander, Caesar. When would the Hebrew savior come to declare rightful ownership of his kingdom? All the other nations had history making world changers of dominance, wealth, and respect. Surely the Jewish leader would be even greater. Perhaps they were thinking too small and too limited.

Rejoice, O people of Zion!^[a]
    Shout in triumph, O people of Jerusalem!
Look, your king is coming to you.
    He is righteous and victorious,^[b]
yet he is humble, riding on a donkey—
    riding on a donkey’s colt.

Zechariah 9:9

Humble on a donkey? But he had to. Jesus had to be an absolute antithesis of the world’s expectation. All the previous world leaders won with destruction and death. You win servants with fear. Jesus won a family of followers with humility. While nations exercised dominance with murder Jesus was a servant showing forgiveness. While conquerors tore lives apart, Jesus loved the most unlikely and undeserving. Jesus had to be different preventing his message of love from becoming compromised. And then Christ did the most unlikely, unpowerful act. Die. But he did not just die. As the purest sacrifice with the cleanest blood he acted selflessly to provide an alternative to life. The possibilities of a world with righteous harmony worshipping Jesus Christ.

Therefore, rather than grumbling the course of society is going to Hell or angered my personal freedoms are compromised or fearful my children will grow in a country destined for ruin I must believe it does not matter. I was not placed on this earth to experience civil liberties. I have not been promised property with shining sparkly castles as floating unicorns prance around. I have not been deemed Most Important Mother of the 21^st Century. I cannot even declare I deserve fairness.

The relevance, the symbols, and concepts I mentioned earlier are meaningless, but my belief in Jesus will never fail. And even if I do, He reigns forever. What I can claim is this life is brief and pales in comparison to my home with Jesus. All the turmoil and hatred and fighting and deceit and denial will pass away. It does not matter. Once my heart stops beating that is when my true life will begin without all the terrible noise to discourage. I will be in light surrounded by sweet joy and praise.

⁹ “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. ¹⁰ If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. ¹¹ I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. ¹² My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. ¹³ Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. ¹⁴ You are my friends if you do what I command. ¹⁵ I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. John 15:9-15

If I can convenience myself, remind myself, Jesus has victory, the troubles of the world are nothing. It is like I am invincible. All I must worry about are the people who need to know Jesus, who need the glimmer of hope and unconditional love.

Though I want to become an active voice of encouragement I also must remember the world is growing increasingly dark. No amount of anxiety is going to change that fact. There is evil and there is righteousness. Following in the middle will only tear at our souls. We must choose. I have chosen the ridiculous, the unpopular, the boundless. My prayer is you choose the only lifesaving answer as well.

These are written so that you may continue to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing in him you will have life by the power of his name. John 20:31

 

 

The Lord has Risen!

I am beyond grateful for this perfect act of love. I am not worthy. I have done nothing to deserve it. But that's not the point. The most selfless act of unimaginable self-sacrifice was demonstrated in the purest form of love is the point. Because you are loved. Because I am loved. 

I wanted to cry all day long because the most glorious day Believers celebrate seemed essentially silent. We drove to our church to pick up gifts the church wanted to present to our kids in drive-by fashion. Along the way we passed church after church with empty parking lots. The doors were shut and no praises to be heard. 

We of course did our own family service: read the story of Jesus arising, watched some videos of church worship, and listened to our pastor's Easter Sunday lesson via the YouTube. However, I am longing for the day when I can sing praises to the Mighty King with fellow believers shouting loud and proud. Until then these verses ring true as well: 

Luke 19:40 “I tell you,” he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.” 1 Chronicles 16:33

Let the trees of the forest sing, let them sing for joy before the LORD, for he comes to judge the earth.

Isaiah 55:12

“For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.

I wrote this last year on Instagram. Thank God this year was very different. 

This year we were apart of a small parade cheering and singing through the grounds of a retirement home. We attended a wedding joining two very special God fearing people ready to serve Jesus faithfully. We devoured delicious donuts and candy. The youngest might have reached hyperglycemia levels. 

Most importantly we praised Jesus's life with joyful community. Easter Sunday was full of beauty and life. Never before have we been more grateful for the freedom to praise our Savior for his amazing love. May we never take this gift for granted.  

The Ramblings Will Continue

 My time consuming project is finally complete therefore I will get back to writing. I have some ideas. Hopefully they will flow forth. I also have some letter writing and story writing to pursue. There will be Easter photos posted soon then look out for some ramblings. I noticed awhile back since I'm not using social media I need to have photos of my second child posted to fill in some holes. They will be posted soon appearing out of order. 

Three's A Charm

March is over and all children's birthdays are complete. No doubt this little one has been my most challenging child to parent. She has rebuked me. She has exposed my weaknesses. She has reflected me. She has amazed me by her victories.

I can say unequivocally I love her and I expect great things from her. The child who once beat her head on the floor screaming at the top of her lungs now has this beautiful way of expressing her feelings. Today in the car she fell silent with a blank face. I asked her if she had good feelings or bad feelings in her head. She replied with good feelings with the most peaceful countenance upon her face. Other times she will tell me she is full of rage and needs to push on my feet, our therapeutic way of pushing out the anger. A year ago I remember her sobbing because Jesus was not taking the anger away.  Angry fits have not entirely alluded us, but it is no longer the makeup of our daily lives. 

Her laughter and smile can warm the coldest heart. Her stare communicates she understands more than she should. Her loving snuggles are especially welcome as I try to embrace the remaining days of her youth before I am no longer invited. 

I feel regret that I was not the patient parent she needed during altering days. As a baby she was pure joy. Shortly into her second year her rage and confusion and frustration was a constant thorn in my side. Every day I was left deflated and defeated unable to resolve my demons reminding me of my own flaws. Perhaps that was my greatest dislike of the situation, she mirrored I was no better. 

However, I do feel prayers have been heard. Faithfulness has been showered and we are moving into different stages of life. Though I have had great concern of schooling her for fear of stubbornness in fact she has a hunger of learning and following directions. She does not work at a fast pace, but she does pride herself with a concentrated effort. 

 I have hope four will be another great year of clearing hurdles and making accomplishments. I suspect she will grow closer to younger brother and the amount of learning in school will be boundless. Thank you, my Tank, for being tough. Not giving up and trusting me with your love.