Three's A Charm

March is over and all children's birthdays are complete. No doubt this little one has been my most challenging child to parent. She has rebuked me. She has exposed my weaknesses. She has reflected me. She has amazed me by her victories.

I can say unequivocally I love her and I expect great things from her. The child who once beat her head on the floor screaming at the top of her lungs now has this beautiful way of expressing her feelings. Today in the car she fell silent with a blank face. I asked her if she had good feelings or bad feelings in her head. She replied with good feelings with the most peaceful countenance upon her face. Other times she will tell me she is full of rage and needs to push on my feet, our therapeutic way of pushing out the anger. A year ago I remember her sobbing because Jesus was not taking the anger away.  Angry fits have not entirely alluded us, but it is no longer the makeup of our daily lives. 

Her laughter and smile can warm the coldest heart. Her stare communicates she understands more than she should. Her loving snuggles are especially welcome as I try to embrace the remaining days of her youth before I am no longer invited. 

I feel regret that I was not the patient parent she needed during altering days. As a baby she was pure joy. Shortly into her second year her rage and confusion and frustration was a constant thorn in my side. Every day I was left deflated and defeated unable to resolve my demons reminding me of my own flaws. Perhaps that was my greatest dislike of the situation, she mirrored I was no better. 

However, I do feel prayers have been heard. Faithfulness has been showered and we are moving into different stages of life. Though I have had great concern of schooling her for fear of stubbornness in fact she has a hunger of learning and following directions. She does not work at a fast pace, but she does pride herself with a concentrated effort. 

 I have hope four will be another great year of clearing hurdles and making accomplishments. I suspect she will grow closer to younger brother and the amount of learning in school will be boundless. Thank you, my Tank, for being tough. Not giving up and trusting me with your love.