At the age of 26 one would think I have some idea of what I want to do. However, I seem to be clueless as many people my age are. We have been raised with particular values of our parents, but after intense scrutiny of their example their progeny are not exactly sure following in their footsteps is a good course to make. I see how my are tied down to things that seem like it possess them. I cannot say with certainty that they seem happy with this possession. They act more controlled by obligation and tradition-"This is how my parents lived. I better do the same."
Call me crazy but I do not see it necessary to get married, settle down, be tied to a job I care nothing about, have babies, then be owned by a house that becomes my ball and chain. God created a certain order to life, but I do not believe there is the same formula everyone must follow. I believe my God is not that boring. That anything is possible.
In searching for answers to the possible or from the impossible one must do a lot of soul searching and be very desperate. WIth desperation brings the heart of fulfillment. Last week I began a new stage of initiation. I drove down to Chattanooga State to start my nursing classes.
I need the opportunity to leave town to explore another avenue of my life. I believe that Boone is beautiful, but I have issues that are complicating right and wrong. A little vacation from my troubles brought a little relief. It gave me many hours of driving to think and think some more.
The initial visit to the college was an encouraging one as I met with an adviser. Ms. Green was very kind and supportive to my needs. I felt like I had received the answers I needed to complete my decision.
Afterwards, I drove through the city of Chattanooga determining if this was a twon that indeed I could live for two plus years. She is not the fanciest of cities, but she will be a good fit for the time I need her. I have been going back and forth for what to do and not to do these last few months. I am just content that there are motions starting to take flight. It is exciting to have something to look forward to, to have a goal I truly want to accomplish.
I know I am not meant or designed to live the typical American dream of marrying well, have a job that works me hard, but pays well as I juggle the kids' schedule while maintaining the home improvements to a house with a 30 year mortgage. No Spankyou!
My ideal life allows me to keep moving or traveling. If kids do become a possibility I home-school them. A permanent house is not necessary because I truly do not need an object to, in all honesty, own me. I want to teach my children with world experiences. I do not want them to be sheltered from how the rest of the world lives. I want to appreciate my heritage, but able to enjoy other cultures as well. There is such wonderful diversity amongst us, I want to experience it all.
Accumulating nursing skills will allow me to be of service to many organizations, whether nationally or international. I will definitely be documenting fulfilling my internal design. As I think about it I am filled with excitement of the possibilities. I have a new hope that offers me peace.
There are other details in the decision process, but I am hoping that will work out as I move along. One day at a time, I keep telling myself. Get myself in school, make it through school, pass the nursing board, get hired. One day at a time. Through God's strength alone I can achieve all things.
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